"The Daily Nonsense reportĒ showing on http://BruceDowns.Diaryland.com is just what the name implies, just nonsense. I update this nonsense everyday with links to a wide variety of weird, funny, strange, and just plain entertaining sites that the Internet, so frequently, provides us. On occasion I may feature links that doesnít necessarily meet the previously mention criteria but are my personal thoughts and observations. I do put witty taglines on this nonsense and mail them to your mother on occasion, especially when you have been bad. So have fun, make comments, and come back often.

10/11/2003 - 5:48 a.m.
Digging for gold?
Kids donít try this at home, but if you do send me a picture to [email protected]



2

10/10/2003 - 6:29 a.m.
It's not a game, It's a SPORT
Mason, who is 6, has recently learned the game Paper Rock Scissors, which he thinks is the greatest game known to mankind. Well I have news for all; Paper Rock Scissors is not a game but a sport! Thatís right a sport, the World Rock Paper Scissors Society World Championships begin on October 25, 2003, in Toronto. A few changes:

  • Thereís a now a championship-specific site at rpschamps.com
  • Theyíre expecting nearly 1,000 of the worldís best players competing this year, and have athletes registered from the UK, six US states and Canada.
  • The winner will receive $5,000 (CDN) and more importantly will be able to claim the title of RPS Champion of the World (2nd place $1,500, 3rd $500).
  • Six video clips included [Quicktime].

5

10/10/2003 - 5:51 a.m.
Joke - Genie in a Bottle
A brother strolling along the beach at low tide; in deep thought about racial injustices he experiences at work. When suddenly he found an old lamp that had washed up on the beach. He picked it up and rubbed it and sure enough, a genie popped out and granted him three wishes. The brother still thinking about the racial injustices at the office said; I would like to be White, Uptight and Out-of-Sight.

So the genie turned him into Click Here for answer.
3


10/09/2003 - 10:15 p.m.
Pumpkin Pi
I love it! My kind of humor.


5

10/08/2003 - 12:10 p.m.
How I plan to confuse Trick-or-treaters

  1. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their Tastefully Simple product and ask if anyone wants to see the wine list.
  2. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
  3. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands, and insist that you don't have any candy.

Give me your ideas on how I can confuse the little trick-or-treaters.
6


10/08/2003 - 12:06 p.m.
5 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick-or-Treating

  1. You get winded from knocking on the door.
  2. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
  3. You ask for high fiber candy only.
  4. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
  5. You're the only Incredible Hulk in the neighborhood with a walker.

What can you come up with?
5


10/08/2003 - 7:00 a.m.
Caption this contest.
Show your humor; add your funny caption to this picture. The winning caption will receive 10% of my profits from this website which equals to about absolutely nothing.


7

10/08/2003 - 6:28 a.m.
Alternate Medical Terms
Submitted by: Screenwriter

Artery......................... The study of paintings.
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die.
Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight.
Cesarean Section............... A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... A sheep dog.
Coma........................... A punctuation mark.
D&C............................ Where Washington is.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema.......................... Not a friend.
Fester......................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................... A small lie.
Genital........................ Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series.................... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................... Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................... A higher offer.
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................... I knew it.
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative................. A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.................. Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................... Just about killed him.
Secretion...................... Hiding something.
Seizure........................ Roman emperor.
Tablet......................... A small table.
Terminal Illness............... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......................... One plus one more.
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out.
Varicose....................... Near by/close by.

What can you come up with?
0


10/07/2003 - 7:00 a.m.
Not for People with Sensitive Noses
This site is especially for Fart Man. Now instead of letting go in my office you can just send me a fart by email, which is my preferred method. To send an online fart or to read fart jokes go here to read more.
10


10/07/2003 - 6:23 a.m.
Don't bark it, Say it!
News Flash! The Japanese have invented a dog collar that translates the barks of dogs into meaningful words and sentences.

The invention, called ďBowlingual,Ē classifies a dogís barks into six emotional categories such as happy, sad, angry and intimidated, by analyzing the animalís voice patterns, which a small microphone hooked up to the dogís collar records.

What do you think Trixie will say if we got her one?
4


10/07/2003 - 6:05 a.m.
Our dog Trixie - 2 least favorite websites
Submitted by: Trixie

  1. Vegan Dog Food? - I want meat, who would feed there dog food without meat?
  2. DOG POWERED SCOOTER ? - Bruce do not click on this. I do not want to carry your lazy ass all over the neighborhood.

2

10/07/2003 - 5:56 a.m.
Our dog Trixie - favorite websites
Submitted by: Trixie

  1. Purina Dog Chow - My favorite food! And I can eat all day long, Just try me.
  2. Send K9 Postcards - When I want to send a postcard to one of my K9 friends.
  3. I love cats - I love chasing cats! So when Iím stuck inside I visit I-Love-Cats.com!
  4. Dog of the Dow - This is where I go when I need high dividend yield stocks, long-term stock market charts and investment research, hey you never know when Bruce is going to kick me out!
  5. Dogs and Cats Movie - And Bruce doesnít even think I watch TV.
  6. Farting Dog Harmonics - Hey it wasnít me; it was the FARTING DOG SCREENSAVER

0

10/07/2003 - 4:32 a.m.
What does your Name Mean?

Ever wondered what your name means? Try the form below, I donít put much stock in it, but itís fun.
"What's in YOUR name?"

First Name: Male Female
Please use standard keyboard characters and hyphens instead of spaces.


6

10/06/2003 - 12:18 p.m.
Bad Joke of the Day
A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"

Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, Dad," the boy sobs "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'. At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
0


10/06/2003 - 7:58 a.m.
Whatís your headline?
The Chicago Cubís eliminate the Atlanta Braves from the playoffs with a pitcher named Wood. Come up with your own headlines; let the jokes roll
7


10/06/2003 - 7:03 a.m.
Top fifteen Internet Superstitions

  1. Itís bad luck to leave someone less than a dollar on PayPal.
  2. First to post is good luck, providing you donít mention being first.
  3. When mouse and keyboard cables cross, all your email will be lost.
  4. Never have a picture of a poodle as a desktop wallpaper.
  5. Knock three times on your monitor while on Travelocity to get the best plane seats.
  6. Blue screen at morning, IT takes warning. Blue screen at night, something ainít right.
  7. Break a webcam, get seven years bad luck.
  8. If your domain was stolen from you, bury a RAM chip in your front yard. It will bring you luck getting your domain back.
  9. Never use your motherís maiden name as a password. Youíll hasten her death!
  10. If you crash three times while composing an email to your cyber-lover, you will never meet.
  11. If you comment on a friendís site, and they comment on yours at the same moment, you will both have good luck all day.
  12. For good luck in business and love, wear the color[s] of your favorite website (Purple).
  13. It is a good augur for a new site if the first person to leave a comment, or sign your guestbook, is not related.
  14. If you knowingly send a virus to a friend, the back luck will revisit you threefold.
  15. If you turn out all the lights, reboot your computer, and chant his name three times, the face of Jakob Nielsen will appear briefly in your start-up screen.

Tell me yours.
4


10/06/2003 - 6:42 a.m.
The newest use for the Web? Sending messages back from the grave. Seriously.
First, thereís Afterlife Telegrams. This service has several volunteers who, for $5/word, will memorize a message and take it to a deceased relative once they die. All volunteers are guaranteed to be close to death. They make no guarantees in the case of reincarnation.
2


10/06/2003 - 6:36 a.m.
Ladder humor
Sorry Jerry, I had to show this. Check out this video
2


10/06/2003 - 6:23 a.m.
Halloween Preview
This is how I plan to cut our pumpkin.


2

10/06/2003 - 6:18 a.m.
We found Trixie's mom

After hiring the pet detective we were able to find
Trixieís (our new dogís) mom. Note: picture was taken when she was a young pup.
2

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