"The Daily Nonsense report� showing on http://BruceDowns.Diaryland.com is just what the name implies, just nonsense. I update this nonsense everyday with links to a wide variety of weird, funny, strange, and just plain entertaining sites that the Internet, so frequently, provides us. On occasion I may feature links that doesn�t necessarily meet the previously mention criteria but are my personal thoughts and observations. I do put witty taglines on this nonsense and mail them to your mother on occasion, especially when you have been bad. So have fun, make comments, and come back often.

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SUBMISSIONS

1. I accept humorous link, image, blog and story suggestions. Please email them to me. You will get full linkage.

2. Content submitted should be humor or satire, similar to what I normally do.

3. Please do not be upset if I don�t post your submission(s). There may be a few good reasons why I didn�t: It�s possible that maybe, just maybe, it wasn�t funny.




03/05/2004 - 6:32 a.m.
Name that Beer bottle
Category: Friday Fun - posted by: Bruce.
Can you match all the beer bottles with the correct labels?Take your best shot and when you think you've got them or you're ready to throw in the (bar) towel, the buttons at the bottom will show you how you did.
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03/05/2004 - 6:41 a.m.
Make William Hung Dance
Category: uproarious - posted by: Bruce.
For your Friday fun Make William Hung Dance.

Do you remember William Hung from the American Idol? If not go to www.WeLoveWilliamHung.com and watch his performance of �She Bangs� video. And folks please keep in mind that he does not have any professional training.
14

03/05/2004 - 6:29 a.m.
a robot with the mind of a baby
Category: repulsive - posted by: Bruce.
Last week I gave you Valerie the beautiful domestic android now I give you Lucy the scariest looking android around. A robot baby orangutan to be precise. Or at least, a robot with the mind of a baby, who looks scary as hell.
That states:
'Hi, I'm Lucy! In the proud tradition of giving children their own web domain as a christening present, my creators have given me my own website. Quite honestly I'd rather they focused their efforts on building me a brain, which I fancy might be rather more useful to me.' And I agree.
1

03/04/2004 - 6:23 a.m.
More fan mail... from Helen Sandrak
Category: hate mail - posted by: Bruce.

Note this email was sent to me last night in response to the 2/25/04 post I did about Helen calling me a casket snob. When will she learn? [Spelling and grammar are hers]

Dear Mr. DOWNS,
You felt compelled to share with the world my last email in your peversed, God-less, �blogging style�. You have really shown to our Lord that you prefer to shunned Him and His Word in favor of sex with lavishes women. I fully expected to see your talents better used. The Lord Jesus Christ Himself gave you THOSE hands!!! To draw and paint and please His Name (not with blogging.) I understand this is a funny site. You have a knack for this as well. don�t you think the Lord would have been more pleased to see you serve HIM by using your GOD-GIVEN talents to create more post in his name? Your website is currently working as an agent of Satan. I feel that the more I do to discredit you and you�re site, the more I anger Satan and make him cower under the FEAR of the LORD. Please look in your heart for the answeres.

Yours in Christ jesus,
Helen Sandrak

Should I be worried?
25

03/04/2004 - 6:13 a.m.
It'll never gonna work for me. I've already eaten two hamsters, a cockatiel & a iguana. (I'm banned from Petco)
Category: repulsive - posted by: Bruce.

Are you trying to lose weight? Remember the 1975 pet rock fad? Well I don�t think mypetfat� will be as big of a hit, but it might help you lose weight. Then again it may not.

The picture shows The 1lb mypetfat which is the perfect size to keep on your desk and at home near the snacks. Which sell for $29.95 and includes; 1lb plastic pet fat, care and feeding instruction booklet.
13

03/04/2004 - 5:41 a.m.
This language is definitely consonantally challenged
Category: uproarious - posted by: Bruce.
�Saggee shapeer! Laa tsaabey naa d-esakkey l-mapaqtaa trayaanaaytaa.� Which is Hebrew for �Brilliant! I can't wait for the sequel (second coming).� Speak the Hebrew of the Passion. This week I was disappointed to learn that the new Mel Gibson movie The Passion of the Christ was done in Aramaic. So I thought I better do some research on the Aramaic language before seeing the movie and I found this very helpful page on the Gaurdian Unlimited website.
3

03/04/2004 - 5:33 a.m.
This might be the easiest and quickest way to write your next Essay
Category: incredible - posted by: Bruce.
The Essay Generator.
Simply type your topic into the blue box and press GO. Makes an essay on anything. Different every time!

I requested an essay on "The Daily Nonsense Report website" And this is what I got:

Man's greatest achievement? Perhaps not, but can you afford not to read on when I am about to tell you about The Daily Nonsense Report website? Many an afternoon has been enjoyed by a family, bonding over the discussion of The Daily Nonsense Report website. Though The Daily Nonsense Report website is a favorite topic of discussion amongst monarchs, presidents and dictators, it is important to remember that �what goes up must come down.� Often it is seen as both a help and a hindrance to those most reliant on technology, whom I can say no more about due to legal restrictions. With the primary aim of demonstrating my considerable intellect I will now demonstrate the complexity of the many faceted issue that is The Daily Nonsense Report website.

Social Factors

Interweaving social trends form a strong net in which we are all trapped. Back when Vealinger remarked �the power struggle will continue while the great tale of humanity remains untold� [1] he could have been making a reference to The Daily Nonsense Report website, but probably not. Difference among people, race, culture and society is essential on the survival of our world, however The Daily Nonsense Report website raises the question 'why?'

Did I mention how lovely The Daily Nonsense Report website is? It breaks the mould, shattering man's misunderstanding of man.

Economic Factors

There has been a great deal of discussion in the world of economics, centred on the value of The Daily Nonsense Report website. Of course, The Daily Nonsense Report website fits perfectly into the Greek-Roman model, as is standard in this case. It is apparent from the graph that the influence of The Daily Nonsense Report website is strong. What is the secret to its strength? Of course interest will eventually break free from the powerful influence of The Daily Nonsense Report website, but not before we see a standardized commercial policy for all. The financial press seems unable to make up its mind on these issues which unsettles investors.

Political Factors

Machiavellian politics is rife. Are our leaders justified in pursuing and maintaining political power? Comparing international relations since the end of the century can be like observing The Daily Nonsense Report website and former Wolves striker Steve Bull.

To quote the famous political Noah Tuigamala 'A man must have his cake and eat it in order to justify his actions.' [2] Primarily, he is referring to The Daily Nonsense Report website. It is a well known 'secret' that what prompted many politicians to first strive for power was The Daily Nonsense Report website.

Conclusion

We can say with certainty The Daily Nonsense Report website has played a large part in the development of man in the 20th Century and its influence remains strong. It questions, ensures financial stability and it brings the best out in people.

I will leave you with the words of Hollywood's Uma J. Fox: 'At first I was afraid I was petrified. Thinking I could never live without The Daily Nonsense Report website by my side.' [3]

Yes, the essay even has footnotes.
1

03/03/2004 - 6:01 a.m.
For Catholic Low-Carb Dieters
Category: rody, sorry Lisa I think its funny as hell- posted by: Bruce.

From Humor Is Dead: Catholic Church Furious Over Introduction of Carb-Free Eucharist by Famed Dietitian.

Catholic Church leaders have called for the excommunication of best-selling author and famed carbohydrate counter Dr. Atkins. The line of dietary food products bearing his name has recently launched beef-based communion wafers, available in a whole host of flavors, including original "Holy-Smoked", "Teriyaki of Temptation", "Hot-n-Spicy Son of God", and "Turkey H. Christ."
9

03/03/2004 - 5:48 a.m.
My all time favorite comic is Steven Wright
Category: uproarious, in a stupid kind of way - posted by: Bruce.

From Steven Wright's Web site, his complete biography.

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.

Not quite accurate. He also does paintings and music. If you are not familiar with his joke then you might want to check out this site.
Here are a few of my favorite lines:
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me -- and I didn't hear it.
Which is your favorite Wrightism?
10

03/02/2004 - 6:46 a.m.
Stairway to Heaven BACKWARDS
Category: bizarre - posted by: Bruce.
One of my all-time favorite songs is Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. I was quite surprise to find out that if you the song backwards you can make out 'satanic messages.' Here's another site that claims the same.
17

03/02/2004 - 6:12 a.m.
Buy A Crushed Can
Category: bizarre - posted by: Bruce.

Spend $4.95, and get a crushed can. It's not like this is rocket science or something. It's very simple. This site is all about crushed cans. Cans are cool, they are readily available, they are easy to crush and they are part of our everyday lives. So here is a place you can purchase a blank, sealed aluminum can that has been artistically crushed.
The FAQ explains it all, and answers all of your questions.

It amazes me what you can find for sale on the net.
6

03/02/2004 - 6:01 a.m.
Beermat, the game
Category: games - posted by: Bruce.
A game about flicking beermats. You know the game you play in the pub, where you flick the beermat on the edge of the table and then catch it? No? Well if you select the link you will.
7

03/01/2004 - 11:05 p.m.
Lettermen

5

03/01/2004 - 7:04 a.m.
well if you can't trust drug dealers who can you trust?
Category: uproarious - posted by: Bruce.
A Chalmette man was arrested after calling the St. Bernard Parish Sheriff's Office to complain he had been ripped off attempting to trade a microwave oven for crack cocaine.
 11

03/01/2004 - 3:46 a.m.
Ouch, that�s got to hurt
Category: sad - posted by: Bruce
I cried when I hurt myself, until I met the girl who felt no pain.

Imagine never being able to feel pain. The prospect of never suffering from headaches or tooth aches again sounds too good to be true but there are negative sides to this particularly if you have never experienced pain before. Gabby Gingras is one child who has never experienced pain before...and never will.

She has a disease so rare that it is believed that only a dozen people in the world suffer from it and she could be the only person with it in the US. The disease, called Hereditary Sensory and Autonomic Neuropathy Type-5, prevents nerve endings from sensing pain, something that everyone needs to experience. This article explains the importance of feeling pain.

While she can pick herself up from falling down the stairs without crying she almost had her left eye removed because of constant scratching, bitten her hands and chewed up her mouth and tongue which resulted in her having all her teeth removed.
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Last Week Nonsense - This Week Nonsense

Any rebroadcast, reproduction, or other use of the pictures and accounts of this nonsense without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited. Sanitized for your protection. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. One size fits all. No user-serviceable parts inside. I do not carry cash. No wagering. Void where prohibited by law.