"The Daily Nonsense report� showing on http://BruceDowns.Diaryland.com is just what the name implies, just nonsense. I update this nonsense everyday with links to a wide variety of weird, funny, strange, and just plain entertaining sites that the Internet, so frequently, provides us. On occasion I may feature links that doesn�t necessarily meet the previously mention criteria but are my personal thoughts and observations. I do put witty taglines on this nonsense and mail them to your mother on occasion, especially when you have been bad. So have fun, make comments, and come back often.

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1. I accept humorous link, image, blog and story suggestions. Please email them to me. You will get full linkage.

2. Content submitted should be humor or satire, similar to what I normally do.

3. Please do not be upset if I don�t post your submission(s). There may be a few good reasons why I didn�t: It�s possible that maybe, just maybe, it wasn�t funny.




10/05/2003 - 5:28 a.m.
mmmm . . . beer
The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud, the CEO of Miller gets a Miller, the head of Coors orders a Coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn. He orders a soda.

"Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks.

Guinness replies, "if you guys aren't having beer, then neither will I."

Give me your beer jokes.
1

10/03/2003 - 8:21 p.m.
I Do Not Repeat Stories
Today Fart man and I decided to get our haircut during lunch. There is a very old style barbershop in downtown Atlanta that we often walk by on the way to our favorite Chinese buffet-style restaurant, so we decided to give it a try. On the way I told Fart man about an old Rich�s building that use to be near our office, when he stopped me and said that I have hold him that story at least two other times. I told him that that was bull that I never repeat stories.
1

10/03/2003 - 8:19 p.m.
I Do Not Repeat Stories
Today Fart man and I decided to get our haircut during lunch. There is a very old style barbershop in downtown Atlanta that we often walk by on the way to our favorite Chinese buffet-style restaurant, so we decided to give it a try. On the way I told Fart man about an old Rich�s building that use to be near our office, when he stopped me and said that I have hold him that story at least two other times. I told him that that was bull that I never repeat stories.
0

10/03/2003 - 12:50 a.m.
Lava Lamp
Earlier this year when I turned 40 a friend gave me a Lava Lamp, which matches my personality to a tee. This week I moved the Lava Lamp to my desk at the office so I can look at it every time I need to calm down. ScreenWriter who works down the hall from my office, asked me now long does it take for the Lava Lamp to heat up for it to start working. Of course I�ve never timed the damn thing before so, that�s what I did this morning. It took 1 hour and 14 minutes to get going, that�s about the same amount of time it takes for The Gang to check there personal email in the morning at work.
0

10/03/2003 - 5:44 a.m.
Billboards Spotted While on Vacation

This summer while we were on vacation (Brosnan Forest) in the Charleston, SC area we saw the above billboards. So I decided to look them up on the web. To Read more select Outhouse Springs.
0

10/03/2003 - 5:27 a.m.
In Case You Were Wondering
In case you were wondering what the worst website ever designed is, click here.
4

10/03/2003 - 5:24 a.m.
Bad Joke of the Day
A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be held against you."

The drunk replies, "Breasts"
0

10/02/2003 - 11:58 a.m.
Adult Happy Meals
I�ve recently read that McDonald�s is coming out with �Adult Happy Meals�. Here is a potential ad for an Adult Happy Meal for women.

Here is your chance to help McDonald�s with potential ad campaigns?
7

10/02/2003 - 12:08 p.m.
Chicago Fans Sellout Turner Field
Thanks to the Chicago Cub fans Turner Field sold-out the first two games of the NL Division Series games in Atlanta. Chicago fans have suggested a few ways to increase ticket sells at Turner Field.

1. Grow Ivey on the outfield wall.
2. Allow Skip Carey to drink during the game and to sing �Take Me Out to the Ballpark� during the seventh inning stretch.
3. Play more day games.

Can you think of ways to increase ticket sells?
2

10/02/2003 - 12:07 p.m.
Bad joke of the day
Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were signed to star in a movie about the great composers. At the casting meeting Steven Segall said he wanted to play Mozart and Sylvester Stallone said he wanted to play Beethoven. Arnold said, "I'll be Bach."
1

10/02/2003 - 12:01 p.m.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I saw the preview for the redone version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In the beginning it says, "Based on a true story..." Most people don't know, but it was based off of good ol' Ed Gein, (a must read with pictures) the psycho killer from Plainfield, Wisconsin. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is not the only movie based on good ol� Ed, the Albert Hitchcock�s classic thriller Psycho was also inspired on his life. With all this research on Ed I have a better understanding of Badger�s obsession with female body parts, who is also from Wisconsin.
0

10/02/2003 - 6:04 a.m.
Chicago Cub�s Manager Dusty Baker's New Diet Plan


Dusty Baker who missed the pre game buffet before last night�s National League Division Series game against Atlanta did not leave the game hungry.

Asked about his new diet after the game Dusty said �It�s great I can eat almost anywhere and I do Not need to worry about cooking.�


3

10/01/2003 - 4:01 p.m.
Fart Man burned me a good one!
That�s right this is the only time that I actually liked the fact that Fart Man burnt one for me. Fart Man burnt two CD�s with over 30 songs on it from the 70�s which is my favorite music. That is what I�m listening to right now. The neat thing about this is that I actually sing a lot of these songs to Mini-Me, and he knows at least the main verse from about 5 to 6 of them. How we both will be able to learn and sing along with the songs together.
2

10/01/2003 - 12:36 p.m.
Try this Joke

Just for fun, Type your opinion of Bruce here:




Try it a couple times, it changes!
4

10/01/2003 - 12:30 p.m.
Falcons Joke concerning Doug Johnson
During Arthur Blank�s two years of ownership of the Atlanta falcons football team he has been very active in signing big, long term contracts. He had Dunn, Brooking, and Price at his house for dinner the night before they closed their deals.


Falcons backup quarterback Doug Johnson who will be a free agent at the end of this season is currently playing poorly.

0

10/01/2003 - 12:30 p.m.
Sounds Great
Yesterday on the way to Basketball practice from work I was driving up I-85 next to a Red Lotus Esprit. I had all my windows and sunroof open when all of a sudden while under an overpass the Lotus decided it wanted to get into my lane, so he floored it and sped up to get in front of me. (As his wheels were squealing I was laying skid marks - no not on the street but in my shorts, just kidding.) Damn that sounded so loud and so good. It scared me at first, until I saw what he was doing. Once he was in front of me I decided to slow down to let some other sucker to get in between us. There is no way I could afford to hit that nice piece of machinery.

After seeing that car I decided to go buy two lotto tickets for the 150 MM drawing later that night. Hey you never know!
0

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